I cried when I saw my dad. He was standing next to my mom and Matthew. I knew I was going to cry - even if it was just my parents - but Matthew had surprised me and came to the airport too. We got my bags and I was starting to tell them little bits and pieces about the trip as we drove home. After Matthew left our house, I showed my parents the things I bought. I picked up my phone for the first time in over 2 weeks and saw what 18 days worth of notifications looked like. Then I decided I was thirsty. I didn’t want to get out a glass so I went to the bathroom and drank from my hand. I turned off the light and tucked myself in bed and lost it - I wept. I had just done so many things that were so “American”: drive in a car my family OWNED, been able to drink straight from the faucet, climbed in bed without having to cover myself with a mosquito net. I tried to fall asleep but couldn’t because anytime I closed my eyes, a million images swam through my mind… some of which I have described in the past few chapters. I wrote about my experience with reverse culture shock on social media a few days ago. I wrote about the night I hardly slept… when I closed my eyes I was met with images of faces and places I had seen. When I managed to fall asleep, I woke up sweating from the same dream: I was walking around ANU and all of my friends were desperately trying to tell me something… but I couldn’t hear them. The day I sorted through 2600+ photos and started writing this blog I spent $20 at Starbucks while I ate breakfast everyday for 55 cents in Kenya. I drove to Lebanon and down to Camp Garner Creek in Dickson, TN. Both drives took me about 45 minutes to an hour. The same distance in Kenya would have taken about 6 or 7 hours to drive. When I was down at Camp Garner Creek I participated in my first contemporary worship service since coming home. Singing the song “So Will I” left me in tears - ‘if the stars were made to worship’, ‘a hundred billion creatures catch your breath’, ‘every painted sky a canvas of Your grace’, ‘if the rocks cry out in silence’, and ‘I can see your heart 8 billion different ways’...
Being back in America has been filled with exhaustion and guilt. A few days into the trip Ian, the sponsor from SNU, challenged us to start asking God what he wanted us to learn and take away from this trip. I asked God that question everyday and he still hasn’t given me a straight answer. Maybe I learned too much from this experience to come out of it with a tagline or a 3 point sermon. I poured my all into this trip - no phone, no expectations, and no distractions. I tried to look at each day with an intentionality and flexible mindset that honestly made this trip pricelessly perfect for me. I feel like God spoke into me and revealed to me the first step in making me WHOLE in him. I learned about spiritual warfare and the importance of prayer. Kenya showed me the beauty of hard work, authenticity, and saying what you mean/meaning what you say. I still don’t know how life is going to look different for me. I hope God continues to humble me and show me how truly blessed I am. I want the peace, strength, and joy that I found there to comfort me on the hard days. I want to transform the way I pray and worship. I hope to go deep with God and continue to intentionally seek out the little ways he is guiding me into the mission of his kingdom in the mundane everyday. I think one day down the road I will return to Kenya, but until that day comes I am content, blessed, and beyond thankful.
(I said in an earlier chapter that I might write about Steve the slug in the closing thoughts entry, but honestly the story is funnier in person so ask me about it the next time you see me!)
+ I leave for my 2 month internship in Puerto Rico with Thirst Missions in 15 hours!!! I will probably post a few occasional updates while I’m there. If you’re the praying type, I would ask you to lift up our team, the work and witness groups we will be leading, and the island of Puerto Rico. I have no idea what God has in store for me, but I know that I’m going to focus on what it means to ~truly~ have him as my #1 priority, intentionally praying more, and leaning into the way his Spirit leads me! God bless! See y’all in 2 months :)
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