Kenya: Chapter 2 'Beautiful Things'

Maybe after reading chapter 1, you’re a little scared to continue. Don’t worry - this is the fun chapter. GOD IS ~SO~ BEAUTIFUL. There were so many moments when his greatness was so extensive that I just had to stop what I was doing and take it in. We went on a safari the first Saturday that we were there. We woke up and left at 5:30 as we ate our pre prepared sack breakfast in the safari vehicle. It was going to be a rainy day. The safari was incredible - I was with Lauren, Jarrod, Troy, Katie, Kori, and Rob and I could not stop smiling/laughing the whole 3 hours. My cheeks ached by the time we drove out of the gates. Despite the sprinkles, we saw zebras, giraffes, hippos, a ton of different bird species, ostriches, antelope, wildebeest, and a lion. Plus there were a ton of other animals/creatures that we saw the entirety of the trip whether that be on the side of the road or right outside the flats where we were staying: warthogs, baboons, monkeys, dogs, cats (there was a mom, dad and a litter of kittens at the cafeteria where we ate), donkeys, goats, sheep, horses, more birds (very annoying birds), lizards, and slugs. If you’re reading this right now, you should ask me about Steve the slug - it’s a very entertaining story that I might add into the conclusion of this series. My favorite animal is a deer so I was ecstatic that the antelope were the most frequently seen on the safari. However, the baby elephants we visited at the orphanage after the safari stole the show. Each elephant lost its mother and is being cared for until they are old enough to be readmitted into the wild. As we finished watching the first group get fed, it started to POUR. Imagine the hardest rain you’ve ever experienced + almost all of us had left our rain jackets at the flats or in the vans + there was no ledge or roof we could hide under + mass confusion on where to go = we were drenched. When we finally made it back to the van, there was not a dry spot on our bodies. I squeezed a cup full of water out of my skirt. It was one of the greatest moments of the trip for me. One of the items on my bucket list is to be able to dance in the pouring rain … to be able to take a less than pleasurable situation and find pure joy. The morning and early afternoon on the safari and in the elephant orphanage had brought a joy that extended past temporary happiness.

May 22 the group was in charge of coming up with some games for us all (TNU, SNU, ANU) to play. There was a soccer pitch right outside the university so we all headed out to kick the ball around. The sunset was phenomenal. We were in the middle of the game and I knew I just had to stop to take a picture (of course the other team scored while I was gone, but oh well). There were several other days where the sunsets just blew me away - the last Monday of the trip as we made our way back to Nairobi from the rural countryside, our first Sunday as we sat looking out on a valley from the Maasai lodge we were eating, and the night Katie and I went out to the front of the school to take pictures of the magnificent sunset.

The final beautiful thing I will write about is the sunrise. May 23 we had decided that we would wake up and see the sunrise. Lauren came in to wake up Tally and I but we were too tired and told her we were staying in so she went back to sleep. After a few minutes, I realized that I wasn’t going to be able to go back to sleep and thinking that Lauren had headed up with Ian, Victoria, and Mikayla, I walked out to the soccer pitch by myself. Ian, Victoria, Mikayla, and I watched the most beautiful sunrise I had ever seen. I’ve always been more of a sunset girl because (quite frankly) they’re prettier. It was the reason I had been so hesitant to wake up that morning - I would rather sleep than see a subpar sunrise that I could see every day in America. I am now convinced that Africa has prettier sunrises than we do because watching the sun illuminate the clouds and finally burst through the horizon was breathtaking (the sun looks bigger over there, just FYI). The next day we had a bigger group come out with us. There were more clouds so the sunrise wasn’t as cool but even in the subtle beauty of day 2 I sat in awe of the awesome power of our God.

I feel like people often go to Africa and bring back the pictures of the starving children - we all know that those are the pictures that stir hearts and open wallets. When I left for this trip I knew that pictures of the poverty and devastation was not what I wanted to bring back. In case you haven’t caught on, this blog will not focus on the visible debris because Kenya is so much more than what the media has portrayed it to be. ‘You make beautiful things out of the dust’ (Beautiful Things, Gungor). There is LIFE in Kenya - there are so many theologians saying that we should be looking to Africa in the next 10 years for the revival that the church needs. After this trip, I am also convinced that the spark that will light the world and our hearts on fire is about to be ignited in the heart of Africa. I want to demonstrate this hope for the future in some of people I tell you about in the next few chapters. Start listening.

Kenya: Chapter 1 'Stereotypes'

I have a bone to pick with the media and the church.

As I prepared myself for this trip, I tried to go in with 0 expectations. We didn’t have a clear itinerary so I was trying to prepare myself for anything. My main goal was to not put God in a box - to let him speak to me and through me in whatever ways he wanted to. I understood that while many people would go on this trip with the main goal to hang out with the kids we met, I knew that the hidden mission would be to build relationships with the students at Africa Nazarene University - where we were staying. I was determined to stay out of any drama that might arise and try to be kind and bring peace in whatever stressful situations we found ourselves in. I thought I was ready for anything. I was not.

Nairobi did NOT look like I thought it would. It was NOT devastating poverty as soon as we left the airport but rather paved roads, bridges, and tall skyscrapers that looked just like the ones back home. I cried quietly as we drove to ANU, embarrassed that while I had not put God in a box, I had put Africa and Kenya in one. I expected to be living in buildings that were just a little nicer than lean-to shelters. I did not expect the buildings at ANU to have multiple levels. I expected dirt floors. I did not expect it to feel like home. I was wrong. As we walked into the work and witness apartment flats we would be staying in, I was even more surprised as I was encountered with a smell that was very familiar - the room smelled like my Abuela’s house in Puerto Rico (I cried again lol). ANU felt like home from the second we stepped on campus - because it was … and it is.

Stereotypes of Kenya were not the only ones challenged and broken on this trip. God broke down stereotypes of America too. On May 16 Janice, Jacinda, and I met Edwin and Kelvin. Edwin and Kelvin are two of the funniest, most loving, joy-filled people I know. As we talked about the 40-60 security dogs the campus releases every night to keep the students safe, Edwin told us that he could show us where they keep the dogs during the day. The next afternoon, Jacinda, Lauren, and I were walking down to see the dogs. Edwin was talking about how after he showed us the dogs, he was going to go wash his cousin Pauline’s car. When I was younger, my Uncle Gary lived in Nashville and he would wash his car once a week. He taught me how to wash a car - you can’t forget the wheels! I asked Edwin if we could help him wash Pauline’s car and he was surprised. “It’s not that fun”, he said. But I insisted saying that it could be fun if you’re washing with the right people. Before we helped wash the car, we stopped by Pauline’s apartment (she is the director of the sports department at the university) where she prepared coffee and honey rolls for us. Edwin’s little cousin Lynn drove the car up to an area with a water hose and we (Lauren, myself, Edwin, and his cousins Lynn, Stefany, and Jeff) started at it. When I say that car was spotlessly clean, I mean it. I taught them how to clean the wheels and they taught me the importance of cleaning the plastic on the inside of the car. We went over the car 2 or 3 times to get it spotless. Kelvin had walked by and asked to join. We didn’t have an extra rag so I gave him mine and decided to use the bottom of my “mission trip” skirt. Edwin and Kelvin were both shocked. They asked me “why are you helping us clean this car? I have NEVER seen a white person clean a car before. They sit and watch us do it. Plus why are you using your nice skirt? You’re getting it all dirty!” I explained that my skirt was just a skirt and that my parents had set a good example for me growing up to be hardworking. I chose not to say anything about God - I don’t know why. I felt bad about it later. I guess I wanted to show my faith through actions, not just words. That night at debrief, I didn’t tell the rest of the group of the adventurous day Jacinda, Lauren, and I had experienced. I don’t post this to get you to say “wow what a humble servant Erica is” or “way to put your faith to practice sweetie!”. I shared this story to say 2 things - first: this was one of the first moments I had in Kenya where I was not intentionally trying to build relationships or show God to others. It was real, it felt natural, it was authentic. Secondly: do you see what is wrong with this picture? Americans - especially American Christians - are perceived by the world as lazy, selfish, and entitled individuals and yet “American Christianity is the way things should be”. What kind of example have we been setting??? Earlier that very day Jacinda had helped cook lunch at a school and the lead cook had told her “I never thought a white woman would be in my kitchen… you must be so humble to be cooking food with us”. Stop it church. Stop looking for excuses. Stop sitting back and letting relationships, moments, and kingdom work fly by because you ‘don’t feel like it’ or the ‘style of worship/preaching isn’t your thing’ or ‘you’re too tired’ or ‘you’re comfortable where you’re at’ or ‘there are other people who can do it better’ or ‘you’ll do it tomorrow’. God’s kingdom is here NOW. You’re not promised tomorrow. What are you going to do with today? Pray that God opens your eyes to the communities around you - you don’t have to fly to Africa to love on your neighbors. Stop giving a hand out and start giving a hand up. We as American Christians cannot continue to live in this cycle of comfortably living our privileged daily routines when there is a whole world out there that needs love. Plus it’s not that the world specifically needs our help. We are in desperate need of the lessons that the world is waiting to teach us. Humble yourself enough to stop talking and to start listening and learning. Ask God to reveal the stereotypes you have - the mud that needs to be cleaned from your eyes - so that you can start to live into the selfless lives he’s calling you to rather than the dirty, selfish, entitled position we are currently comfortably sitting in.

Kenya: Prologue

When I said goodbye to my family and walked through the security gate of the Nashville airport, I had no idea what God had in store for me. I never in my wildest dreams thought that I would be one of ~those~ people that embark on a mission trip to Africa and return completely changed… those people that find God, themselves, and peace thousands of miles from home.

To say I have never experienced any trip, especially a mission trip, like this would be the understatement of the century. I was face to face with hidden stereotypes I held that were about to be flipped upside down. I got to see a modern city, the beautiful rural countryside, a school in the slum of Mathare, a Christian University in the heart of Africa, and a safe place for God’s most precious children in a small town.

God knew my heart was aching, still trying to heal from brutal heartbreak that found me in 2017. He knew that Satan had come this past semester and tried to take the joy and strength I had built up. He knew the lessons I needed to learn before my 2 month internship in Puerto Rico that starts in about a week. He knew the inner desires of my heart - that all I truly wanted was to be made WHOLE in Him.

I found God in Kenya. It took over 8,000 miles to finally jolt me awake, to set me on fire again, to expand my view on the world and on God. I found God in the unexpected places. Sure, I saw him in the children we met there… but He had so much more to give than a few good pictures to add to my instagram aesthetic (no images of the children will be put online, FYI, so if that’s what you’re looking for, go find another blogger).

I found God through students at ANU, a car wash, a starry sky, a gust of wind, a ~downpour~ of rain, a slug, a chapel service, little conversations, fellowship over meals, a cemetary, a teacher, a bridge, a camera, a hymn book, personal stories, a rainbow, a couple bracelets, dancing in church, doing something that terrified me, a kind & giving soul, a sunrise, a paint brush, Kenyan tea, and a water bottle.

I left my phone in the US - the greatest decision I’ve ever made. The second greatest decision I’ve ever made was holding myself accountable and journaling every night of the trip. I have 70 pages and 2600+ images full of memories that were 99% free of the distractions of technology and home. Over the next few weeks I’ll be sharing my stories: experiences, relationships, and a few pictures as I process this gift from God. Welcome to my journey through Kenya - I hope your read today shows you a glimpse of God’s goodness and faithfulness.

A Joyful Season

This blog post took me longer to write than I originally planned. The last 14 months have been monumentally life changing to say the least. In May of 2017 I was in the darkest place I have ever been in - ashamed and guilty because I had lost focus on what really mattered (I was seeing the glass half empty instead of half full) and my definition of love had gotten flipped upside down and twisted. I wasn’t loving myself, my family, and others the way God intended. Last May I started over with a blank canvas - and going into senior year with a blank canvas is both terrifying and frustrating. The only things I knew for sure on that first day of school was that I had a great friend group, volleyball team, and family supporting me, that I was going to Trevecca the following year, and that God was with me. My senior year was the best year of my life- I know that’s very cliché and that I said the same thing about junior year (PSA it wasn’t really all that great of a year). I was making senior year my own and following the Spirit. I stepped outside of my comfort zone and joined basketball, which I’m convinced was the second best decision I’ve ever made, after following Jesus of course. I went to as many church youth events as I could, soaking up every “last” I could get my hands on. When 2018 rolled around, I was ready for the year that would change my life… I just didn’t realize how many changes were headed my way. In the past 7 months, it seems like every stable thing that I could count on has suddenly changed. Allow me to explain… In February my youth pastor who has been there for me for every step since the sixth grade announced he was taking a senior pastor position. I had to say goodbye to my home for the past 14 years and all of the amazing friends that went with it. (Side note - graduating was literally the greatest experience of my entire life. I have never felt so proud of myself and free at the same time. Plus graduating at church was a pretty stellar experience. Also I’m very thankful for my parents who helped me throw my graduation/birthday party because even though it rained the whole night, I’ve never felt so loved and thankful for the blessings in my life. The feelings wrapped up in graduation and the joy I felt also showed me that a lot had changed in a year… my life was back on the right track again so thanks God.) God also answered two of my prayers/questions when it came to my past relationship and the one I will hopefully have in the future. He also introduced me to lifestyle changes at camp and a conference called Six8 Fellowship that happens at Trevecca (I’ll elaborate on those more in a minute). Another change that has come has to do with my Mom’s health. She was diagnosed last year with a condition called radiation neuropathy - this is a side effect of being a cancer survivor. It basically means that the amount of radiation that they treated her with when she had a brain tumor at age 12 and when she had cancer back in 2009 was too much for her body and her nerves are starting to shut down. This condition shows itself in symptoms of other diseases. For example, I’ve thought she might have Alzheimer's for the past few years because she has a hard time remembering names and small details. She also frequently falls when she loses her balance or when her hip doesn’t raise each leg the same width off of the ground. To add to that, the company that she and I work for is moving to Miami, meaning that she’s joining disability and I’m joined the unemployment line right before college. I’m not writing this for your sympathy because our family is more thankful than ever for the time we get to share together. Plus even though Mom has radiation neuropathy, she’s still got plenty of years left. However, the Wigart's are more aware of our time ticking by so we took a trip to Wisconsin to see half of our family a few weeks ago. That trip quickly turned into one of my favorite family vacations. Mom, Dad, and I are even gonna take one more trip before school starts - a cruise to Alaska. Seeing the whales and the glaciers has been on mom’s bucket list for years and since this is probably the last year where she’ll be able to walk around by herself, Dad has pulled out all of the stops. It’s actually been really sweet watching them get so excited for this trip these past few months! To highlight one more very obvious change that’s approaching in my life… college is a thing. I don’t think I’m necessarily scared or nervous - it helps that Trevecca is literally my dream school… but this new kind of independence is fascinating to me. I already have a strong group of mentors and friends going into this and God has certainly provided in the financial aspect of things, but this much responsibility and freedom is honestly intimidating. I’ve never been this excited and more at peace for a new season!
Now for the information I originally wanted to communicate -
This summer has been absolutely amazing. I got to spend 3 weeks at Camp Garner Creek - one as a high school camper and two as a counselor (middle school and tween). I got closer with my friends, met some new mentors, spent time with my roommate, and maybe met a new college best friend. During my time at the campground, I started taking my devotional life seriously. I discovered how refreshing it can be and for the first time in my life, I wake up every day longing for that time with God. It’s been so great to explore different ways where I can grow closer to him through the simple and ordinary. I also figured out at camp that my minor will definitely be youth ministry and not children’s. Don’t get me wrong, the tweens were so fun and it was an amazing week but my heart lies with youth. Thrown in the middle of these weeks of camp was VBS where I got to spend another week watching God open the eyes of my sweet preschoolers. We were in Babylon learning about Daniel and I can’t wait to continue to watch my little ones grow closer to the same God who provided for Daniel so well. I also got to learn about God’s provision in a slightly different way at Six8 Fellowship. I was skeptical going into this week long intensive because of my past experiences. Last year was Six8’s first year of existence and when I went, it made me question everything. I left heartbroken and overwhelmed and tried to suppress memories because the week had pushed me past my comfort zone and to the next continent! This year we talked about Creation Care. I wasn’t very excited going into the conference and thought we’d be talking about a “liberal agenda” all week. However, within the first two days the Lord had convicted my heart. I was looking at this topic like it was basic and needed no attention when God had brought me there for a reason. All week I wrestled with the reality that this growing population is killing our world and that food can be tied into almost every controversial issue right now in politics. I met new friends and grew stronger in my “liberalistic conservative” beliefs. Since coming home, things have changed a lot. I’m not moving to South America to start up a farm and feed half the world’s population but I’m dreaming small. I’ve made the decision to be conscious of the companies I buy from (try it if you dare). I’ve also ditched plastic water/soda bottles completely. When we go out to eat, I’m bringing my own take home containers so I don’t have to waste that styrofoam or plastic take home box. I’m using reusable grocery bags and taking a weekly visit to the Farmer’s Market. I pray for my food differently, intentionally thinking about the journey my food has taken to reach my plate and bless me with energy for a few hours. Finally, my family and I are starting to explore what truly practicing Sabbath would really look like. Yesterday was our first time trying it and it was actually really fun. We had a devotional time together, shared a meal at home instead of out at a restaurant, and talked about life. While I’m not sure how this practice will look once I go to college, I know that I’ve learned so much about a new lifestyle that I feel called to this summer. I’ve been challenged to be intentional and conscious with my food and with my relationship with God. While college is scary and staring me straight in the face, I know that I’m about to enter and invest into the best years of my life. Thanks for taking the time to read this and support me. Have a great last few weeks of summer!

Puerto Rico Part 2: Stars

If you've already read part 1, looked at the title, or follow me on social media, you probably know that I recently returned with my family to the place where my mom was born, Puerto Rico. Mom has a friend, Orlando, who happens to own a nice speed boat (he's also won competitions around the island when it comes to the fastest boat so that's cool!). Every time we go down, a drive to the southern town of Salinas is always on the to-do list to see Orlando. My parents, Titi Alba, my younger cousin Barbara, and I all packed up and drove down to Salinas and loaded up the boat. Orlando took us out to a clump of mangrove trees that was shallow where boaters like to go and camp out on sunny days. There were about twenty boats on the day that we went. (Side note: we tied our boat up next to one of the boats belonging to a friend of Orlando's who told me that I was so white that I blinded him). We spent the day looking for shells, eating snacks, swimming around, and relaxing in the water. At about 5 we left for a restaurant that waited for us a little bit further down the coast. While we were at the restaurant, Barbara and I spotted this beautiful sunset falling into place. We went out and snapped some pictures and just stood watching it. As the sun sank lower, Orlando and my family walked toward us saying they were ready to jump back in the boat and head back. Personally, I was a little intimidated by the idea of Orlando driving back as dusk turned into night (especially after how many beers I'd seen him down that day... don't worry though, it was a safe number I think). The boat had two lights to indicate to other boat drivers that we were in fact a boat... a very fast-moving boat, but there was no big spotlight to see what was directly in front of us and I had no idea how he knew where he was going. But I stretched my arm out over the edge of the boat, a practice that I often replicate while driving down the road on those days that I want to feel weightless. As the boat bounced over waves, I felt like I was flying. Then I looked up and saw a sight that took my breath away - dozens of stars twinkling down at me. I kept my eyes glued on the sky until we got back to the dock. At one point, I turned around and was in awe at the collection that had been forming behind me. Behind me was every star I had seen. Above me were a few more to add to the collection. However, in front of me, there were almost no stars as they were covered up by dust in the air... but as we got closer to this empty void, I saw even more stars. It brought me to the realization that is similar, but slightly different from the conclusion I found in part 1. I could look at the past, everything that had come before that moment. It was beautiful and some stars shone brighter than others. The stars directly above me in the present were not as numerous or as brilliant looking as the display behind me, but I knew they would only add to my experience later. The stars in my future were unclear... it was dark and intimidating and I didn't like focusing on it. When it boils down to relating to life, you can always look back and see all the good and bad that has come before and see the beautiful picture that is your life. You can look at your unknown future, knowing it will be even more magnificent than your past, but it's scary to focus on and should not be focused on 24/7 unless you want to be driven mad by that void. Lots of us, especially speaking for myself, find ourselves in a place that we don't necessarily like. It's not as beautiful as the past. It's hard and life might just suck. I want to focus on the future or the past to escape the present. However, none of my efforts will change the reality. The stars above me are going to add to my collection of stories and I just have to deal with the hardships right now and wait patiently to see what kind of beauty and good that God will bring out of it. But no matter how bright a certain star shines, each is important and adds to the breath-taking beauty that I will see one day when I look back at my life… beauty that you could see when you look back at yours.

Puerto Rico Part 1: Swept Away

I recently took a trip to the island where my mother was born and raised: Puerto Rico. During our time on the island, mom decided that it would be fun to stay in a resort. We drove from Bayamon, an area on the north-east side of the island where my mom grew up (it's near San Juan), to the west side of the island to a town called Rincon (There should be accents on this and Bayamon, but I don't really know Spanish that well. Sorry :)). The group consisted of my parents, my little cousin Barbara, my "Titi" (aunt) Alba, and myself. We ate incredible food, went snorkeling off the coast, visited a local crafts fair, and watched a sunset by a lighthouse. It was all amazing, but my favorite part was just walking by the ocean at our resort. This was mom's least favorite part because her balance is not the best and she would almost fall every time the wave retreated and the sand moved from beneath her feet. But here is this ocean, relentlessly beating up against this beach. Every time I looked down, I saw sand particles that may never be all together at one time ever again. Each wave hit my legs and feet and was so powerful that it could have knocked ME over. The ocean reminds me of what life is like. Everyday things are changing... the past will never fully repeat itself. Trying to hold on to the past is useless because the waves of life, just like the waves of the ocean, will pull that sand right out of your hand or right out from under your feet. You can't worry about the future either because there are billions upon billions of other sand particles out there and it's pointless to try to guess which particles will hit your feet at the same time. The only thing we have any power over is the present - relaxing in the wave that hits you in that moment and saying goodbye as it pulls the old sand away, promising to come back soon with new sand. The wave is God's love and I'm sure that most of you reading this have heard this analogy used before. God's love is strong, powerful, and relentless. No matter how you hard you try to fight it, to tell that wave to stay in the ocean and away from you, it won't listen. God's love gets you soaked sometimes, if the wave is big enough. Sometimes it takes a little more than a splash to wake us up to what he's trying to say... and he will always deliver that wave to you. Finally, God is always orchestrating our little details, our little grains of sand. He gives and he takes away. What he takes away, you cannot hold onto... and why would you want to? Why would you want to hold onto the old when he has something gloriously new ready to give you? Let go of the worries of the past and future and let God walk with you down the beach, crashing his love over you in the present. 

Imperfect: a life story

Just something to consider:

Moments of imperfection remind us who we are:

We are sinners - imperfect because of nature, our choices

We are a hot mess and have little self-control or patience or love or joy or hope or faith or any other qualities that God constantly possess that we often lack. 

We chose this - we make choices because that's the kind of God He is... he didn't want mindless robots, he wanted relationships with us... and relationships are messy. Every time we sin, we fall, we betray the trust of others around us and we smack Christ in the face because each failure of ours was a lashing, a hit of the hammer on the nail. 

BUT our God is the strongest, the most courageous, the most selfless, and the most compassionate God there is. He loves us so much - even through our pain, our faults, our flaws, our mistakes, our short tempers, our dirty mouths, and our habits - HE LOVES US THROUGH IT ALL. And he makes us new every morning - he makes us better- he makes us beautiful. 

Think of a door - but not just any door. Think of a door that has chipped paint, imperfections, rough edges. We are that door. We have scars and pasts that mark us up. When we focus on the rough spots, we lose sight of the fact that those marks don't define us. We are all flawed but our purpose is still clear - we are a door. Splinters or chipping paint don’t make a door any less of a door. Don't focus on those things that make us human because we forget so easily that our true purpose is to act as a door between the world and our God - we introduce others to him through our scars because people who don't have hope long for those who have struggled with the same things they have. People who are hopeless are looking for love - they want something that is familiar. They look for people who won't make fun of their scars because those imperfect but loving people know what it's like to have chips and splinters. 

We bend, but we never have to break because he is strong enough to take our burdens. We will still have struggles, we'll have moments when we lose our tempers or when we turn from him because we're angry at our life circumstances. But he will always be there and when we focus on him we will realize that through our mistakes we learn, we grow, we inspire others to do the same. Through our failings, we can be brought closer and we can draw others near too IF and ONLY IF we can respond properly to our flaws. We all know our failings but we must proactively look for preventative ways to overcome them and live with them as things that don’t hinder us but instead make us stronger. We must follow the will of God and read his word and he will tell us how to respond to these situations. We won't always respond perfectly, but we will continue to learn every day until we are taken up and glorified with the one who makes everything good. Accept your flaws. Learn to watch for the warning signs that you're going down a path of bad thoughts or dangerous actions. Ask God for the wisdom, understanding, patience, and strength to resist Satan. That is how you learn to live with the mess we call our lives - our failings, our mistakes - our HUMANITY. And then you can discover true joy as you accept you for the person God made you to be and grow closer to your good, good father.