Wednesday, December 31, 2025

New Year, New Me ?

 New Year’s Eve has always been one of my favorite holidays. Growing up, my parents hosted their Sunday School class’ annual New Year’s Eve Party at our home. I got to eat all of my favorite “party appetizers”, we played Catch Phrase and Pictionary, and I got to stay up til midnight to watch the ball drop. It was truly one of my favorite nights of the year. Eventually the annual party tradition ended, but I would still stay up until midnight to watch the ball drop (even if my parents didn’t!).

I also love this holiday because of everything it represents. As a pretty sentimental person, I loved reflecting on the previous year and dreaming of what the next year would bring. I would always set resolutions (usually to brush my teeth more - don’t tell my dentist) and would follow through for a few weeks before slipping into old habits. But I always felt like there could be so much more to New Year’s Eve that I hadn’t quite figured out yet. 

Then came December 31, 2017. I was invited to a New Year’s Eve Party for the youth group I attended on Friday nights. It had been several years since we had stopped the party at our house and I was BEYOND excited to play games, eat great food, and fellowship with my friends. Around 11, our youth pastor and his wife got us all to settle down and find a seat as they passed around notebook paper and pens. We were instructed to write a letter to ourselves that we would open the next year - on December 31, 2018. We could talk about this year, dream of what the next year would bring, write about our goals or emotions… crushes or successes… fears or plans. Needless to say, I was hooked. I wrote my letter and around Christmas of 2018 I received a card in the mail from my youth pastor and his wife (they even mailed them to us so we couldn’t forget or lose them!). Each year I would find time on December 31 to write my future self a letter, even dragging my family members into the tradition one year. I continued this tradition for 7 years before pausing in 2023. I didn’t have the energy, time, or motivation to continue my tradition that year. 

I wish we could normalize this… this truth that not every tradition, discipline, habit, diet, routine, hobby, or lifestyle change is meant to last forever. God designed seasons for a reason. When something no longer serves us because our physical, emotional, spiritual, or mental season has shifted, it’s okay to be sad that that season is over. It’s okay to miss it and grieve it. But the foothold that Satan finds all too easily (at least for me in my experience) is inflicting guilt and shame that God never wanted us to carry. “I just quit way too easily”, “I hate that I didn’t have the energy this year”, “I failed… I missed 3 days… 1 week… 2 months so there’s no point in trying again”, “If I was more like *that person*, I could actually do this”,“I feel incomplete and unhappy without this in my life”. There IS something to be said about disciplining ourselves and finishing what we set out to do, but the shame-game was not in God’s plan for us. Work hard and push yourself, but understand that each season of life carries different needs and expectations… and God is never guilt-tripping you for not being enough. 

Now that I’ve had my moment on my soapbox, let’s dive back into the beauty of New Year’s Eve. The “Letter to Self” truly was one of my favorite things I ever did. It was so cool to see what I had predicted correctly, what curveballs had been thrown, what attitudes and ideas had changed, but most importantly how God had been faithful throughout the year. If you try it out, let me know how it goes! I’m in a season of life now where I’m planning to write a letter tonight to Erica for 12/31/2026. I’m grateful for the energy, inner peace, and strength to do so. 

But I have one more suggestion to you, that’s a little more simplistic, that I turned to in 2023: Word of the Year. I’m sure you’ve heard of this tradition - choosing one word to be intentional about, embody, or ‘manifest’ for your year. This tradition works for Christians, but also works out well for those that aren’t… so when I sat down 3 years ago to plan out a “Word of the Year” night for my youth group, I wanted to do something that would root this tradition in Christ. I wanted our word chosen based on Christian values, not on the trends or desires of culture. I wanted our word rooted in Scripture, not in what the world said was important. I wanted our word to remind us to keep our eyes on Christ, not in something we could ‘manifest’ or achieve for ourselves. So the assignment that night was simple: using scriptures and word recommendations I had printed out for my teens, they were to choose a word AND a Scripture to go with it. I bought them small canvases and asked them to write the Scripture out (not just the reference) on the back and either draw, color, or paint the word (or an image that reminded them of their word) on the front of the canvas. This could be as simple as a teenage boy writing “JOY” in black sharpie or as intricate as a teenage girl painting a sunset with “HOPE” written in the clouds. I love this tradition because it can be as complicated or easy as you want it to be. Depending on where you put your canvas and how intentional you are to meditate on it, it can help you be more aware of God’s presence in your life. In my experience, the Lord has led me to a word that I thought would mean one thing and has ended up meaning multiple things in various aspects of my life. Instead of a resolution or another item on a to-do list, it’s a word that could challenge and change the way you view situations, your relationships, your attitude, and your priorities. It stretches beyond one habit or discipline and addresses every area of life through your very mindset. It’s a holistic way to set an intention for your coming year that centers you in God’s will (that can very easily have plans, resolutions, & commitments attached!). 

Let me give you some examples. In 2023 my words (for some reason God has always laid 3 words on my heart, so I make a canvas for all 3!) were BEAR (Galatians 6:2, 1 Corinthians 13:7), EMBRACE (John 1:5, Psalm 27:14, Romans 5:5, Isaiah 9:2), and FREEDOM (Isaiah 61:1, 2 Corinthians 12:9). In 2024 my words were EMPTY (1 Kings 17:16, Isaiah 55:11), GLORY (2 Corinthians 5:13-14), and DELIGHT (Psalm 37:4). In 2025 my words were RELEASE (1 John 4:18-19, Romans 8:37, Matthew 11:28-30), RECEIVE (Exodus 33:14, Exodus 14:14, Hebrew 4:16, John 1:16), and ABUNDANCE (John 10:10, Ephesians 3:20, Philippians 4:12-13). Each year God has surprised me with these words - what I thought they would mean at the beginning, how they changed my perspective during the year, and what they meant to me at the end of the year. I’m sure a few of them have ended up in Facebook posts, but I can’t wait to share with you in the coming weeks what RELEASE, RECEIVE, and ABUNDANCE have meant to me this year along with the words and expectations I have for 2026. 

These traditions don’t have to happen on December 31 or even on January 1. They can happen on January 6, January 23, or even February 12. You don’t even have to wait for a new year to start. A new month, a new week, or a new day is the perfect time to draw near to God and begin to be intentional with your life. If you try one of them out (Letter to Self or Word of the Year), please share your word or your experience with me! May this time of reflection, hope, dreaming, and intention draw you closer to your Heavenly Father, refresh your soul, and help you recognize just how faithful our God is! 





Wednesday, September 24, 2025

Picking Up the Pen Again (feat. A New Original Poem: "Where Is The Sun?")

    When I stumbled upon my "Life's A Journey" blog, my jaw hit the floor. I thought to myself, "Has it really been 6 years since I picked up the pen, confident that I had something of value to say?".  To clarify, if you follow me on Facebook you know that I have had PLENTY to say in the last 6 years, but I really was surprised that my last published post on my blog was from my trip to Kenya in 2019. This blog started out as a simple high school English project, but I grew to love writing about the experiences and lessons God was blessing me with... and I believe He's been encouraging me to "pick up the pen" and start recording these moments, lessons, chapters, and blessings again. 

    My first thought - "But where will I begin, God?!? So much has happened over the last 6 years! So many memories and milestones... so much heartache and growth!" My favorite thing about God is that He knows the questions, clarifications, 'buts', and fears before they ever cross our mind. So much HAS happened: my 'anointed season', 3 college internships, SGA at TNU, meeting my future husband in college, the discernment process through 5 job interviews, the Lord teaching me about reconciliation + release through Lent, getting my first district license during my senior year at Trevecca, moving to Georgia to be the Next Generation Pastor at Mt. Olive 10 days after graduation, losing 3 of my closest family members in less than 18 months, my mom's journey with radiation neuropathy, the call to be the youth pastor at Midland Valley Community (my dream church), mom's dementia diagnosis, my first exorcism and craziest week of spiritual warfare I've ever encountered, preaching my first teen camp (with my new teens), Third Wave, and of course then there's the small feat of getting engaged, buying our first house, moving into said house, getting married, and getting ordained in the short span of 101 days during the summer 'youth pastor crazy busy season' (no, literally - and marriage + ordination happened in the same weekend). 

    The Lord sure has been faithful on this rollercoaster ride, but I'm getting whiplash just thinking about it! I'm confident that in time, these stories will be told. As a pastor, one of the hardest things to navigate is being vulnerable while also being careful to avoid 'preaching through the pain'. I know that if I had been blogging through some of those seasons, it would have been all too easy to let an entry turn into a rant session or say something I would never have publicly posted if I had processed my emotions more fully. I've decided that if God is truly asking me to pick up the pen again, that I will only do so when He lays something on my heart. This means no posting schedule, no shame or guilt if I don't write for months, no pressure to produce, and most importantly an understanding (mainly for me) that the words I write aren't coming from me. There is great freedom in knowing that all He's asked me to do is be an obedient mouthpiece for His grace and faithfulness. 

    But there is still the question - "Where do I begin God?" - which He promptly answered within a few days of me asking. Saturday morning I was at a South East Regional NYI (Nazarene Youth International) leadership meeting in Alabama when the Lord woke me up before the sunrise and intervened, whispering and inspiring words of comfort and peace as Dad and I hit another "yep, that's the next step of dementia" moment. In 2018 my mom was diagnosed with radiation neuropathy, a terminal disease and 'side effect' of surviving cancer. In layman's terms, the (excessive) amount of radiation my mom received when she was 12 (brain tumor) and when she was battling breast cancer in 2009-2011 is now shutting down her nervous system. We have watched my mother (now 60 years old) decline steadily in health in every capacity impacted by the nervous system (vision, hearing, appetite, balance, digestive track, mental capacities, etc). COVID certainly complicated things (more ~fantastic~ stories there, but probably not appropriate for a public blog) and mom's most recent diagnosis came in 2024: Partial Dementia. Between you and I, I don't know what's "partial" about it, but I'll trust the doctors with that. Last Thursday in the span of 5 minutes, my mom didn't recognize my voice on the phone twice. You could call that faulty hearing aids or declining vision unable to see my name or contact photo on my Dad's phone, but it felt monumental and earth shattering to me. Our family's health journey with my mom (especially heavy on Dad) has been kept on the down low in the recent months and years (outside of hospital visits), but has still been incredibly difficult. I believe that any other man would have moved my mom to an assisted living facility a long time ago, but not my Dad. He has without a doubt won "Husband/Caretaker of the Century" and repeatedly shown me what true patience, sacrificial love, and selflessness look like in big and small things. One day he wants to write a book about my mom, her faith, and the miracles God has worked in her life... I just can't wait to one day write a book about him. 

    Saturday morning the Lord gave me words to communicate the emotions and weight of this journey - and I believe that they're not just for me and not even just for Dad... it came right alongside my yearning to write and my questions of where to start so I believe it is also for a friend who will come across my blog. As much as I want to over-explain every detail, I also know there is great power in letting art speak for itself. I WILL say that every word and line was chosen with great care and intentionality, but I'll trust the Holy Spirit to communicate meaning to each reader based on their individual burdens and needs. I'm looking forward to picking up the pen again, but for now I'll leave you - of all days to post this, on September 24th, the 16 year anniversary of when Mom was first diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer - with this poem God gave me that has brought me great comfort and peace in the midst of heartache. May the Lord bless and keep you, Erica Janelle. 

"Where Is the Sun?" 

That all-too-familiar startling sound pulls me out of dreamless sleep. 

I forgot to change it! Can I go back, snuggle deeper in my sheets? 

But this morning, my mind asks, 

“Where is the sun?”


I pull on my clothes and load up my bag, 

Excited and hopeful as I quietly open the door. 

The world still snoring as I begin my quest 

My heart, yearning, “Where is the sun?”


I walk until my mind is settled 

THIS is where I will capture this moment 

Time lapse on, Bible open, pen in hand 

Now we wait – “Where is the sun?”


“From the rising of the sun to its setting, I will praise the Lord”

But I finished the psalm and reality loom dark and heavy 

“So this is what you wanted to talk about, God”

As I sit here, wondering, “Where is the sun?”


I read of a barren woman given a home, children, and joy

I recognize the story – that’s my mother’s testimony

I take a shaky breath

“Where is the sun?”


She waits in that same home, mind slipping away

Longing for death’s sweet release, and getting closer each day

But the weight is especially heavy as of late

So He woke me up with a question in mind –“Where is the sun?”


Colors are changing – subtle but true

Squirrels begin a game of cat and mouse on the tree bark

The bird song grows louder, more voices joining the tune

They too are asking, “Where is the sun?”


The gnats have also decided to join me

Flying too close, hovering in view

They’re not the only thing bothering me

Swatting and annoyed - “Where is the sun?”


The colors have paled, but the trees block my view.

“I don’t want to wait any longer, God.”

“Isn’t there something you can do?”

As I start to cry, “Where is the sun?”


But wait - can it be? I move to get a better look and see

Orange glowing through a gap at the base of the trees. 

Not fully on display yet, but rising steadily 

It comes to answer my question - “Where is the sun?”


Tears well in my eyes as I take in its beauty 

I hear the Lord whisper as I breathe deep, 

“Just because life is changing doesn’t mean that I am”

I’m ashamed I had doubted, asking, “Where is the sun?”


Mom wasn’t just given a home and a family.

She was given the chance to see me grow up. 

Yes, she’s leaving soon - sooner than I wanted. 

But through a lifetime of trials, she’s known the answer to my question, “Where is the sun?”


My mother knows that even when things feel dark 

The Son is still close by, if He’s rooted in your heart. 

Grace overwhelms me in my weary waiting 

I’m reminded I know confidently … so where is the sun? 


Its warm presence rises faithfully, a new day has begun. 

I can face it with strength and peace because I know… 

Morning always comes, light’s power overcomes darkness. 

I smile, faith has become sight: THERE is the Sun.